She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
try to milk me bitch
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