i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
