just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
