Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
