I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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