My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
