Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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