I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
