dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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