From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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