So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
