The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He felt like a one man threesome
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
