Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
