I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
