I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
