omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
