You just made me feel so damn special
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We got so high we made milksteak
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
