she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
