i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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