who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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