i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Two words: blizzard sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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