So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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