I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The air was thick with penises
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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