Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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