I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize