my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
