he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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