Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
