She's JV to your varsity
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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