she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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