P.S. I can't hear my feet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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