haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
