ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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