I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
