I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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