Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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