A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize