that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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