I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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