My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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