There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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