you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
