I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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