i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
