I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She bit a glass in half.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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