You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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