I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
