Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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