you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
