Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
