she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
