My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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