he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
