are you still at the devil's house?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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