i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
