bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
