Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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