I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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