Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
kristin has been a bad kristin
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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