margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
