Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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