My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
